By Derek Kosmicki

With war continuing to rage throughout Israel and Lebanon, hundreds of Americans have been stranded in Southern Lebanon, unable to flee the escalating violence.

While the United States Government continues its efforts to evacuate the US citizens from the area, one question remains on most people’s minds: Why are Americans visiting Lebanon?

“I mean honestly, why would you go there?” asked Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice.

Its a question that puzzles most people. With 57 million miles of land on the Earth, some people have actually chosen to visit Lebanon.

“Certainly we feel terrible whenever bad things happen to our citizens,” Rice continued. “But we’re not talking about the brightest bulbs on the string here. Let us not forget, they chose to go to Lebanon. Lebanon!”

It is believed that most American citizens currently in Lebanon have just awaken from comas within the past 90 days.

“It’s the only way this makes sense.” explained political scientist Fred Naybors, professor at the University of Oklahoma.

“Obviously, the people visiting Lebanon haven’t been told that the people in the Middle East hate Americans. So either they’ve been in a coma, or they’re morons. I’m willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and lean towards the coma.”

“But if they’re morons, leave ‘em there.”

Even though it appears to be a solution lacking of sympathy, many people seem to agree.

“First cruise ships and free homes for Hurricane Katrina victims who didn’t bother to buy flood insurance,” said Florida State Representative Tim Lenon. “Now a cruise ship for people to get back from Lebanon who chose to go there. The United States needs to stop rewarding people for being ignorant and lacking anything that resembles basic common sense.”

Secretary of State Rice reaffirmed Lenon’s statements.

“Look. We’ve got a lot going on. We’re on the brink of war with Syria and Iran, not to mention the Hezbollah Terrorists. The last thing we needed was to find out the some morons actually thought it was a good idea to go to Lebanon.”

“Haven’t they ever heard of Disney World?”

In all likelihood, since the US citizens visiting Lebanon obviously had no idea about the political climate in that part of the world, its likely they had never heard of Disney World.

Lenon asked, “How did these people even manage to get over there? And what’s really scary, some of them brought their children with them. If we do get those people back, there needs to be a serious investigation about whether they should be allowed to raise those children, or handle sharp objects or drink from a straw for that matter.”

With the United States falling further behind other countries in education test scores, this appears to be a time where the US could take a proactive approach of addition by subtraction to improve its world wide standing.

Naybors explained: “We’ve been able to identify the problem, that’s the important step. Now the key is to eliminate it.”

“Would anyone really complain if the United States was relieved of a few of its lowest common denominators? Perhaps this is the opportunity to eliminate some of the surplus population.”

But should this surplus population make it back into this great country which they were foolish enough to leave, welcome them back with open arms and kind words.

Short, one syllable words.

They are, after all, morons.