It’s been a while, so here I am. A few hours removed from the Badgers ending their season with a loss to UNLV in the second round of the big tourney. It’s a shame, really. They could’ve had a magical year - and in many ways they did - but fell far far short of their potential.

This got me thinking.

How many of us are actually living up to our potential every day? I mean, really… are we living each day with positivity and production or letting outside forces work us instead of working them?

I can tell you right now that I’m not living to my potential every day. I know this because I’m severely depressed - and not just because the Badgers lost. See, I had a hard time talking about this a while back because I was insecure about it, but lately I’ve found that the more I put out there, the more I get back. At the end of last year, I started taking Lexapro for anxiety/depression. I’ve had anxiety forever, but what I didn’t realize is that it was originally started by, and continues to be fed by, depression. So, everyday I struggle with just being normal it seems like - much less to living up to some potential (which in my head is far beyond what I do in a day).

I’ve struggled with a recent break-up as well. It’s miserable. I can go a few days without stressing about it, but then I’ll hit a wall and decide to call or text message, which then of course leads down a endless path to tears. What I realized is that this is a very common problem among people who are still pining over their ex’s: you leave a voice mail, email, or text message - and then wait. That waiting turns you into an obsessive lunatic who’s forgotten that they have better things to do than wait for a call back from someone who doesn’t even give a shit that you left a message in the first place.

It’s a vicious cycle. It’s like quitting smoking… when you get the urge, do whatever it takes to make it pass. The next time it’ll be easier. Of course, that’s much easier said than done, as I still smoke as well. :(

Luckily, I have the ability to fill my time with productive activities instead of destructive ones which I know simply cover-up the emotions you’re trying to heal. I have my first weekly business networking meeting on Thursday morning. It’s a group of marketing-minded business people from around the Madison area who get together once a week to network and discuss issues. I’m nervous, but it should be fun. I’m also getting deep into the development of a web project I’m taking on at work…. to be announced this coming week, I’ll be heading up the web development for the project moving forward. I’ll also be slowly giving up my duties as the affiliate marketing manager to do HTML/CSS design full-time. With my passion for marketing, and knowledge of design and code, I’ll get to optimize our web properties for success. It should be fun.

Back to my issues though. Or, how I’m attacking them…

My goals for this coming week on a personal level are to - talk to my shrink about a counselor referral so I can put these relationship issues behind me once and for all. Also, to start my exercise plan I’ve been trying to start for weeks now. Three days per week… should be… wonderful… or something.

I’ve already started a meditation program which I’ve wanted to do for years. If you’re interested, it’s called Holosync by Centerpointe Research Institute. It’s great stuff… I just need to make time for it every night instead of every other night. Oh, I’ve also started a journal - which is another thing I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Again, not getting to it every day, but I’m getting there.

I’ll be doing laser therapy in June to quit smoking. Why June? I’ve gotten that a lot. First, because it’s good to pick a date. And second, I’m going to Florida in April to drive back up with my aunt who’s moving here. She’s a smoker and the main reason she wanted me to come is so she could smoke with me on the drive… :P

Alright, I’m all over the place. This was long enough to digest I think… although I think I wrote this one mainly for me.

I’d like to thank Deann, Kyle, Mary, and Sarah for making this last week tolerable. :)