By Derek Kosmicki

(Hoffman Estates, Ill.) Thousands of Barack Obama supporters were left confused and unfulfilled Thursday when they joined a large gathering outside an Illinois shopping mall to rally in support of the Democratic Presidential nominee.

The original crowd, however, was gathered to enjoy a free concert given by the country music group The Oak Ridge Boys.

Due to the large crowd to watch the country music stalwarts, the thousands in the Chicago area suburb parking lot signaled to many that The One had arrived.

“The only time I’ve seen a crowd this big was at Barack’s last rally outside Denver” explained Obama follower Sheila Parks. “So when I heard the commotion and saw the size of the crowd, I knew He must have come to Chicago. Obviously I’m upset.”

In fact, the estimated crowd of approximately 15,000 to watch The Oak Ridge Boys perform their greatest hits grew to over 35,000 when rumor spread that Obama was holding a rally.

According to JaVon Jones, this had all the makings of another huge Obama rally.

“I live not too far from here and I heard this crowd chanting and I swore it sounded like O-BAM-A, O-BAM-A. So I took the bus over here and I saw thousands of people and knew I had to become a part of it.”

After about 15 minutes of standing in the crowd and joining in the Obama chant, he realized they weren’t chanting Obama at all.

“They were all chanting Elvira. I assumed they just meant Obama.”

Stephon Stevens provided a similar account.

“Everybody was yelling Elvira and I was trying to explain everyone that it’s pronounced O-BAM-A. I was just waiting for Obama’s opening act to finish singing and I thought I’d have an easier time of it. But those four white dudes kept on singing.”

Most Obama supporters indicated this was the first time they were attending a rally for the candidate so they didn’t know what to expect.

“I watch MSNBC every night,” explained Regina Wells. “And I always see thousands of people in huge crowds where He goes. So when I showed up, I just screamed and waved my arms because that’s what everyone else was doing.”

Steve Williams, a Sociology professor at Northwestern University, indicated this type of “pack mentality” is not uncommon.

“Most of the time the people in the back can’t hear or see what’s going on. They just know that they are witnessing something historic which they can’t explain and they must be a part of it. So when those who actually see what’s happening get the signal to cheer, those beyond do the same, and it ripples back to those who are there because everyone else is. And this continues to the voting booth. People don’t know why they’re voting for Him, they just do.”

The event was not a complete bust for one new fan of The Oak Ridge Boys.

“Even though it didn’t have His name in it,” said Mercedes Marshall, “I’m pretty sure that Elvira song was about Obama. Eyes that look like heaven, lips like cherry wine? That’s exactly how I feel about Barack!”

(This post is *hopefully* an obvious satire piece, written by my brother, Derek Kosmicki)